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 satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..

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Sato



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PostSubject: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/21/2008, 07:03

Name of zanpakuto: Monoto

Length: 67cm

Hilt: is a gray sword that resembles a arrow shape
Sheath: the sheath is in the shape of a normal case it is carried on my back

Appearance:is a gray sword black hilt and like the hilt evreything is black
---------------------
Shikai: monoto

description:its like te zanpacto but the tip of the sword il like a arrow the tip has 4 points going in the shape of a arrow the tip isnt like a needle its kind of wide

History: when i finnaly found someone to live with in the sieretrei my village was attacked so i took a ordanary sword in hopes to kill the 2 theives i killed one but as i went for the kill on the other one he had a sword to when his sword touched mine it sent me back flying and knocked me out as he left the village i stoped him after waking up he hit my sword aain but this time i dodged it i heared a voice call out you are not strong enough he told me his name was monoto and if i called it out loud my sword be stronger so i yelled hell raisercome forth mmmmmmoooooooooonnnnnnnooottttto my sword glew and became a sword monoto told me it had the power to extend i dodged the thieves next attack and made my sword extend twards his throat and i saved the village and evreyone was happy and we celbrated the next day someone from the academy came and told me they wanted me so i went and sent on a long journey

Spirit Energy Cost: 4 when it extends

Bankai: (The final release of the zanpakuto; its appearance and abilities)its a black sword the actual metal is all rigad with sharp points all over it also has red lines that are very thin the abbilities are it still extends but in any direction as long as possibe and can change shape when i activate my animal is a liger(tiger+lion) and i get claws on my hands that are sharp razor teeth and super fast speed

History: (How your zanpakuto reached bankai) the day of my ceremony to become leutenant. my ceremony was errupted by thieves that attacked before i look at them all they all had mask to cover there faces me and the pther lt took out a few but got very tired then i confronted the leader i extended my sword and swung at him but it nearly missed but it took of his mask and he had a cut it was my old friend i couldnt let him get away we again fought the out come diffrent we bolth got knocked out but when i woke i was near my captain despite what he said i went to the jail cell to confont my old friend we fought all of a sudden one of his minoins come and attack me my arm gets damage then my friend puts his sword t my neck and says"ready to die" but i used my swprds exention ability to almost kill him and get him away the next lt comes and kills off his army when he the last he leaves in defeat later that day the ceromony takes place . the next day i go train to become strong to kill him becuse i almost died if it wasnt for help so my captain comes and tells me about the sword level bankai he said it takes ten years so i went to my underground calm spot i unleashed a item my captain gave me and all these swords appeared i pick up 23 and think come on it has to be here then i thnk wait wont it have the same mistical energy as monoto so i use my spirit energy i dont see it so i keep running then i see it i run up and grab it it turns out to be it i get so tired i faint i slept and dreamt about how happy i wuld make my captain

Spirit Energy Cost: (The SE cost of every activation of the zanpakuto’s effect)3 to activate 5 for extend as far and 4 for shape shift


Last edited by on 1/23/2008, 16:56; edited 10 times in total
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/21/2008, 10:51

Not following the Template....USE IT!
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/21/2008, 16:23

yes it is that is the template i found it where it said the template thing so can you check the template then my creation and if you can post the template
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/21/2008, 16:30

Alright then...

Allow me to explain.

First off, why does your Zanpaktou's name change when in Shikai? After all, you don't know your Zanpaktou's name until you can use Shikai, so it having a different name wouldn't make sense.

Second, you don't just put "Transo." If that is really it's command and not its name, then you have the put the full command. (Example, "Roar, Zabimaru!")

Second, you need to put a description of your Shikai in the Shikai part. How it changes, what it does, its powers, etc. Also, better history.

Finally, it does not take SE to activate a Shikai, only to use it's powers, and 1 SE isn't an acceptable cost for a Shikai's powers.

There ya go. skittles
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 15:32

tell me if its ok or if i need to change something..........
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 15:48

Quote :
Name of zanpakuto: monoto(Capitalized name)

Length: 67cm

Hilt: has none(Hilt is handle, Guard, and bottom of blade. THUS, you'll need to say what it does and doesn't have, and what they look like.)

Sheath: (How the sheath looks)(NEED TO DO AS IT SAYS!)

Appearance: its a long blue rod with green on it and it has the power to change its size(This is the Description of the Zanpaktou, WITHOUT Shikai.)
---------------------
Shikai: monoto

description:its a blue sword with green lines its ok size and cant break easy(Need Better Description. Also, you need Release Command, and you have to describe powers here.)

History: when i finnaly found someone to live with in the sieretrei my village was attacked so i took a ordanary sword in hopes to kill the 2 theives i killed one but as i went for the kill on the other one he had a sword to when his sword touched mine it sent me back flying and knocked me out as he left the village i stoped him after waking up he hit my sword aain but this time i dodged it i heared a voice call out you are not strong enough he told me his name was monoto and if i called it out loud my sword be stronger so i yelled hell raiser mmmmmmoooooooooonnnnnnnooottttto my sword glew and became a sword monoto told me it had the power to extend i dodged the thieves next attack and made my sword extend twards his throat and i saved the village and evreyone was happy and we celbrated the next day someone from the academy came and told me they wanted me so i went and sent on a long journey(History is decent, though can be worked on.

Spirit Energy Cost: 2 when it extends (INCREASE THIS AMOUNT!)

Read ()s next to parts to see what to change.
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 15:56

all is as you said it should i changed it all im not liking changing but i understand its not good enough so if it needs changing ill do it even if you think its not good enough
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 16:01

Sigh...

When I say be more descriptive, I don't mean add one-five words.

Here, maybe this will help.

Quote :
Name of zanpakuto: Akuma

Length: 66 cm

Hilt: White hilt with shape that resembles a demon dragon with red eyes.

Sheath: Normal Black sheath with silver at ends

Appearance: Looks like a normal zanpakuto with an odd black blade color
---------------------
Shikai: Akuma, this zanpakuto is always in it's shikai. It's black color is symbolic of Jin's devil gene and the power it holds. When cut by this zanpakuto you get immediately poisoned by the devill gene which eventually will reject the body because it does not hold Mishima blood causing the body to slowly erode.

History: After Jin recieved shinigami powers this was the product of his zanpakuto. It is unknown whether Akuma does have a normal state or if this current state is it's normal state.

Spirit Energy Cost: None

Name: Raikou Akuma
Effect: Jin creates an electrical charge from his fist through his zanpakuto to temporarily stun opponent
Spirit Energy Cost: 3

Name: Tsuin Mori
Effect: Jin blasts two large energy blasts from his zanpakuto one after another at his opponent. (Like Getsuga Tenshou)
Spirit Energy Cost: 5
---------------------

See this? THIS is what I consider a Zanpaktou. I'm not saying copy it, nor have your full-release. I'm asking you to be more descriptive. This is not because you're a Lt. Its because I will not accept anyone's that is less then how Jin did it. Don't just do what I say by adding in a few words. You may even have to rewrite the whole thing. The point is, until you can fully describe the sword so I can see it in my mind and understand what it looks like, how it's used, and what it does, I will not approve it. It doesn't have to be paragraphs long, but it has to be descriptive as say, an Essay to a Teacher.
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 16:04

how about know
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 16:09

Quote :
Sheath: (How the sheath looks)

Do I REALLY need to point out the obvious? And if you don't know what a Sheath is...its what you put your sword into.

Anyway, Just work on the Shikai's description. Blue with greens lines on it. Normal Size. Pointy end. Need better then that. Is it pointy shaped like a Needle, or just sharp? What shape is it? Does it's Handle, Guard, or anything else about it change? And what happens when you extend it? How long can it extend. Oh, and write it's Release Command as well in the Shikai area as well.

Answer all what I've said, and I'll approve your Zanpaktou.
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 16:14

done im sorry im bad at this part
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/22/2008, 16:54

Sigh...

Approved.

But I'll expect better when you want Bankai. MUCH Better.
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/23/2008, 16:58

i hope you like it i wrote alot in it becuse i took your advise and tried to write better
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/23/2008, 17:48

No. Thats too much like an Arrancar's Reassureccion.(If you want me to be specific, Grimmjow.)

Plus, your Bankai isn't really powerful.

That, and Vice-Captains have to request their Bankais. How do you request it? Thats still being worked on.
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Sato



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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/23/2008, 18:54

what do you mean its not strong enough what should i add and how long till requests
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Shiroijin Dante
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PostSubject: Re: satos zanpakuto , shikai and finally bankai..   1/23/2008, 19:15

No idea. Ask Chiyo about it, though shes thinking of it as a Reward for Vice-Captains who get people to join.

Anyway, the point is, a Bankai doesn't transform your body to the point like an Espada. Thus, the whole, "Liger" Form doesn't make since, and it doesn't match your Shikai. Plus, since when have you had an "Animal."

Plus, you need to keep in mind your Zanpaktou, and what it's name is. It wouldn't make sense for a Zanpaktou's whose name is "Fire Serpent" to have an Ice Bankai.

Concerning how its weak, all it does extend more and twist. That doesn't make it very strong, or useful.

Look at the Bankais already in existance(Senbon Kageyoshi, Tensa Zangetsu, etc...) And you'll see that all are radically different and suprising. However, they remain true to their base power, only using it in new ways.
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